An unlikely tool for managing the winter blues
“I’m going to start practicing hygge!” I exclaimed, one fall morning over coffee and pastries. (As anyone with ADHD knows, this means I am either going to a) never speak of hygge again and forget its existence entirely, or b) make hygge my whole personality for the next couple of months. Spoiler: it’s the latter in this instance).
As the weather chills and autumn turns to winter, I begin to read books on the Danish way of life. I point out “hygge-like” homes and coffee shops and Christmas decorations on evening walks with my partner. I research how to make our own home more hygge-like. It's my first winter in Ohio, and having lived in the south for the vast majority of my life, I’m trying to use the novelty of this experience to buoy me into an embrace of this season.
Winter, historically, is not my season. I’ve felt the “winter blues” come on as the weather cools and the days shorten since I was a teenager. I’m not alone: 5% of American adults experience SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and it’s most common among women ages 18-30. Seasonal changes affect our brain’s chemical balance, and if you’re already prone to depression or have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you’re much more likely to experience increased depressive symptoms in the winter.
But the changes in weather aren’t the only thing that impact our mental health during the holiday season. Complicated family dynamics, grief, and other difficult memories linked to this time of year can leave us feeling lonely and isolated. Because winter is advertised as a time for joy and connection and celebration, these difficult feelings in juxtaposition with the expectations we have of the holiday season can make life this time of year fall depressingly flat.
Seven years ago, my older brother died in an accident weeks before Christmas. And since then, Christmas often feels like a cruel reminder of this loss. No matter how joyous the family reunions, there is always one person missing who should be there. For many years after my brother’s death, the winter months also caused a resurgence in the trauma I held surrounding his passing. Sometimes it felt like all of the healing I’d done during the rest of the year was instantly erased come December; I was right back where I was the day I found out that he’d died.
I share all of this because it’s important to me that you, dear reader, know that I get that this time of year can suck. My hope is that because you know my own reasons for disliking the winter, you’ll start to develop some trust in me and might listen more openly to what I have to say, and perhaps with a bit less consternation. Because I get it: listening to some therapist on the internet talk about hygge and “embracing the winter” does generally warrant an eye roll.
If you’re still here, allow me to explain how incorporating hygge into your winter might be one of the more effective tools for managing the winter blues.
Hygge is about accepting and leaning into the current reality
* Pronounced “hooga”: a Danish word for coziness and contentment, in juxtaposition to an unpleasant external atmosphere
Hygge, or wintering, are concepts that exist in juxtaposition to adverse outside stimuli. For there to be hygge, you have to lean into the truth that there is winter, and winter itself is a bit uncomfortable. Hygge cannot exist if there is not something to be cozy from or in spite of. An intimate dinner with friends is so much more hygge-like if there is, for example, a blizzard outside that you and your loved ones are safe from.
Hygge is simple and accessible
Hygge is also simple. It isn’t about the quantity of gifts or the number of people at your Christmas party. Hygge is about the experience of finding or making the perfect gift for your best friend, or hosting an intimate group of loved ones to make dinner together. In the world of hygge, Christmas decorations might be homemade or thrifted, and the primary goal of any day is leaning into the coziness of the season. You needn’t have an endless gift budget for there to be hygge.
Hygge is about self-agency
Hygge is the belief in ourselves to affect change in our environment. We recognize what we can’t control (the fact that it is snowing), and what we can control (that we can put on our biggest coat, make a snowman with our buddies, and run inside to huddle around a fire and drink hot chocolate).
All of these core tenets of hygge are also core tenets of my work in the therapy room: We have to accept the current reality first in order to best care for ourselves. Self-care does not have to be expensive, nor does it have to be complicated. And, we have the agency within ourselves to make changes in our everyday lives.
As a therapist, I've seen how integrating hygge principles into my practice has offered solace to clients grappling with the winter blues or navigating complex emotions tied to the holidays. It's a reminder that healing can be found in the gentle moments of connection and self-care, and that the holidays don’t have to be flashy to be memorable.
So, dear reader, as we navigate the winter together, let's explore the transformative power of hygge. Let's meet the chill with warmth, find joy in simplicity, and, most importantly, embrace the coziness that this season has to offer.
Stay warm and hygge on.